And the Award for longest book title in the world goes to: 

White Art in the Meat Food Business.  A Practical Handbook for Butcher, Pork Stores, Restaurants, Hotels and Delicatessens on How to Make Lasting and Transferable White Art Decorations out of Bacon Fat Back for Window Displays, Ornaments on Meat Food Cold Buffets and for Exhibits and Advertising Purposes.  Enrich yourself with Personal Knowledge. 

We couldn’t make this stuff up if we tried. Click on the link to see sculptures and store windows made entirely of Bacon Fat Back.

 http://longstreet.typepad.com/thesciencebookstore/2008/05/art-made-of-fat.html

2007, it seems, was the year of the errant comeshot.  Though condoms were apparently nowhere to be found, that time-honored American tradition, the unwanted pregnancy (how retro), was apparently an endless source of fascination at the multiplex.  This was true of Knocked Up, and more still, of Juno, where plucky, precocious adolescents fuck on a chair, say no to abortion (“they have fingers!”), rehearse sitcom one-liners, and “find their way in the world.” 

And what an ingenious turn of studio packaging and marketing it was.  Insert hipster-cred animated sequence, American Apparel-cred short shorts, indie-cred faux-folk soundtrack, and a cast of genuinely excellent performers, and even the New York Times forgot what it was watching: self-consciously twee indie porn for the pro-life set.  Even the Indie Spirit Awards apparently forgot the film was financed and distributed by Fox to the tune of $20M and therefore not very independent at all.  And Oscar could not get enough of Diablo Cody’s relentless leopard-print ensembles and former-stripper asides.  Very few people thought Juno was a terrible film, but how many really found it truly notable and award-worthy?  The Academy did, apparently.        

            The real untold story of Juno, though, was its casting.  Who knew J.K. Simmons was the perfect choice to play bewildered, sympathetic father to a pregnant sixteen-year-old?  Who knew Ellen Page would, incredibly, find herself nominated for an Oscar?  And who knew Michael Cera, in the short span of a few movies, would emerge as the most likeable and believable young actor in mainstream Hollywood?   

            The accidental pregnancy was not limited to domestic releases, either.  Undeniably the most impressive 2007 film on the subject was the Romanian Four Months, Three Weeks, Two Days, in which a young woman and her roommate search for an illegal abortion in Communist Bucharest.  Not just an illustrative expose on what actually happens to desperate pregnant women in a “they have fingers” society, Four Months is virtuoso filmmaking of the most formally notable sort.  The use of long-duration takes, deep-focus cinematography, and naturalistic acting are expert.  And when the film finally does settle on an inevitable (and deeply disturbing) close-up after two thrilling and grueling hours, it has earned it.  To say anything more would lessen a truly rewarding cinematic experience – one characterized by many difficult questions and few easy answers. – MATTHEW MISHORY

Matthew Mishory is a filmmaker and writer living in Los Angeles (http://www.matthewmishory.com).

Usually I open SATCA with “The great thing about living in the City of Angels is how fortunate one can be to socialize, intermingle, and party with the rich, powerful and famous.” 

However, this column- for two reasons is a bit different.  First off because Andrea Bell the fabulously stylish Editor in Chief informed me that someone asked her if I am a real person! Imagine! My pic has been on here peeps, and I did blatantly beg for free lasik surgery so I am obviously human.  Secondly, as Memorial Day passed, and we honored the men and women in our armed forces both past and present I am going to do my best to honor some “real” people in my life! (BTW I did write that Andrea is fabulously stylish for a reason - girlfriend just gave my punk ass a promo - more on that in one sec.)

First off changes abound at Glitterati Magazine!  My column finally goes to print in the fall issue! Look out cats, and it has nothing to do with my new title of Features Editor.  My pal Matthew at the mag is now working full time in ad sales, and he’s adorable, straight and well did I mention adorable? To make an appointment with him call Glitterati Central at 323.284.8389. My favorite performer Ingenue and I have a new feature called “Drunken Lunch” in which the talented drag diva and I take our favorite celebrity out for a two martini minimum lunch without their publicist and the baby dolls get to say everything they shouldn’t say at a press junket!  Ah the frantic next day PR phone calls!

I did head out the other night to see Ray Rhodes spin at the Avalon in Hollywood and both Geri Haliwell and Ashley from the PussyCat Dolls were hanging next to me in VIP. (I am getting to the regular guy Spence in a bit!) All I have to say is Geri looks so amazing for someone who must be tired from having both a toddler and what must be an exhausting friendship with Posh Beckham.

I went to the “Sex and the City” event at Here on Saturday night with my pal Janice, (surprisingly this is where I get to the ‘being real’ part!), in West Hollywood. It was packed and I had a great time. My two favorite peeps at Here? Keith the bartender, and as always “The Captain” who works security. The idea of the film made me think of  my three best pallies. FYI-they are: a dog-walker, a teacher and a crewmember in props here in LA. They are all brutally honest enough to tell me exactly why they are not interested in one more glass of Vueve Cliquot and/or going to another party. But I can always count on them for a Bloody Marsha and a BLT.

My pal Jason Lopez is in a production of the Lost Plays of Tennessee Williams that benefits the LA Gay and Lesbian Center’s programs. It runs through June 8, so grab yourself an evening of culture and do it in Gucci for a good cause. Gucci is optional but tix are available at www.lagaycenter.org/boxoffice As a matter of fact, enjoy the evening in Tennessee Williams’ style and have a few cocktails after. Just plan ahead and book yourself car service with Royal Treatment Limousine. 1-877-769-2581. www.royalti1.com   Ask for my friend Ken. You would be shocked how often I use this brilliant car service! Actually, you probably wouldn’t.

On May 8th, I attended world renowned photographer Douglas Kirkland’s Freeze Frame exhibit that was held at Fred Segal Mauro Cafe. The exhibit featured more than 30 of the most recognizable images from Kirkland’s book, Freeze Frame and kicked-off the exhibit which will run through the end of the month at Fred Segal Mauro Cafe. The event benefited Antonio Alessi’s Feed All Cafe, a Los Angeles-based charity that is working to end childhood hunger and AIDS worldwide. 

The other day I was grocery shopping and nearly had my testes handed to me by an actress (using that term loosely) that was behind me as I was paying. I did ask for plastic. I KNOW! But I do reuse the bags for the copious amounts of alcohol bottles I rack up at home.   I then recycle the bottles and ergo the bags. So no harm, right? Anyhoo—it made me think of my life and the peeps in it that give back. My favorite tee shirt line- Tees For Change- feature organic and eco-friendly tees, adorned with positive messages and affirmations. All tees are made from organic cotton or bamboo. For every retail tee you purchase, Tees For Change plants a tree. www.teesforchange.com

Pretty cool, I just wish I was wearing one while at the grocer! However inspired I was, Ingenue, we are so not taking her to lunch.

Looking forward to my pal Kendra’s Coco Chanel themed dinner party, the Concept to Creation/Pool Tradeshow event June 7^th, and Anthony Cortez’s Liquid Dreams pool party series.

Okay cats, this was supposed to be a quickie and about being real and giving back. So after trying my best to support drunken celebrities, the LA Gay and Lesbian Center, theater in LA, Antonio Alessi’s Feed All Café, and tees for a change, I should take a breather and let you as well.

My political quote?   “Memorial Day - Whatever your thoughts, our armed forces are a myriad of citizens, (all openly heterosexual) who put their lives in harm’s way for the idealism that we all are Americans and that in itself is a family. Damn if family, whatever it means to you, isn’t the most American ideal to stand up for?”

DISCLOSURE:  In the spirit of full disclosure, Mr. Seymour is a 2007 WEHO Award recipient. He has written a pilot for television is shopping his completed novel, VODKA SEVEN.

Don’t have my opinion? Brilliant we can discuss…

Don’t have an opinion? Unlike the shirt off his or her back…someone will give you theirs…

Looking forward to getting your invitations and hearing from you…. Spencerseymour@aol.com

At any given point, there is a Fashion Week event going on at some amazing location in the world. It’s so easy to remember such Fashion Week events in NYC, Paris, London, L.A. and more. But, remember there are so many other areas that also have opportunities to hit the runway. This week, it has been amazing to see a variety of the designs that have appeared at Australian Fashion Week. One of my favorite designers who I have enjoyed the most during this series of shows, Annah Stretton, created an amazing show. I love a lot of her daring looks and the image below was my absolute favorite from this show. This beaded dress which has an amazing peek-a-boo affect picks up a lot of grey and mauve tones. I also love the slinky dress being paired with the sheer black gloves. There is an elegant gothesque/victorian quality that emerges from this outfit. For those that are interested in seeing more from this designer, portion of Fashion Week and more, take a look at “http://www.coutorture.com/gallery/view/1617692?page=0,1,0” which is known for bringing the world of fashion at your fingertips.  

The great thing about living in the City of Angels is how fortunate one can be to socialize, intermingle, and party with the rich, powerful and famous. The important thing though is that you must always remember… “Manners are free.”

That being said…

I am exhausted and a bit dehydrated from spending so much time at events! My eyes are sore from camera flashes … that is a lie, and a blatant request for free Lasik surgery, anyone listening? While in Palm Springs for the White Party, Marani Vodka (maranivodka.com) held an amazing pool party at the home of Rand Rusher of Leaf and Rusher on Bedford in Beverly Hills, and with Hugo Boss. The people were hot, tan, uber-stylish and in tiny b suits. Everyone had a blas!

Met up with my neighbor Angela Iuorno (she just jumped ship from Focus Features, with great relationships in tact, and is now at Lisa Taback Consulting making sure the right films have the right campaigns for Awards season) and my cool pal Sonny Mandal, the actor, for a couple of drinks at my neighborhood bar — that being the Bar Marmont on Sunset. Hanging out I had a great conversation with the most gorgeous and sweetest actress in Los Angeles, Emily VanCamp from ABC TV’s “Brothers and Sisters”. She is beyond beautiful and talented! It changes your evening when you run into an actress worthy of success and not an obnoxious talented blond heiress. I should send Em a bottle of Marani! On some amazing stationary (Note to self)

My old friend Elise Freumith of MPRM invited me to the premiere of Kiss the Bride at the Regent. Elise handled the press, and beautifully I might add. Tori Spelling “the star” didn’t make it because of an illness (?) - I use the same excuse every year after Gay Pride. The men carried the film, kudos Philipp Karner and James O’Shea, unfortunate TORI! because everyone loves you, (except maybe Chelsea Handler who I am enamored with). I adore Tori, and wanted to bump into her, last time I did was at Ray Rhodes’ Tiger Heat. Tori is always such a doll. As a matter of fact, Elise worked on the film Southland Tales with Sarah Mickey Gellar who is great friends with Eva LaRue from CSI: Miami. Sarah and Eva are friends from their All my Children Pine Valley days.

I went to the Marani Vodka and Hint Water sponsored premiere of Chasing Baja. Eva LaRue was by far the coolest celeb there. Check out the photo of her with the Marani bartenders. Could she be better looking? She told me her new boyfriend doesn’t work in the industry. SMART GIRL! Adrienne Janic was running late, and I barely had the chance to chat to chat her up, and Patrick Dempsey was a no show. But the party was hopping and my old soap fave Sean Kanan from General Hospital was there and a bit distant. Sean you are in the doghouse! J I have to stop living on Soapnet! Hey Tony Turk - great job on the step and repeat, but since we have known each other for years, why am I still booking fabulous rooms at the Hotel Zoso in Palm Springs and not staying in your posh pad?

The brilliant designers at Elmer Ave. threw another bash at the Gibson Guitars’ showroom in Beverly Hills. Check out the glam ass photo of me on stage! Hilarious! I adore Murph, Colin, Johnny and Ward - I really love you guys! Great write up in DNR. Your publicist must rock as well! www.elmer.ave.com

My fave entertainer Ingenue is a part of the brilliant “Dreamgirls” revue at Rage on Santa Monica Blvd. in West Hollywood. Check it out and pay homage to both Ingenue and Jackie Beat!

Onto the fashion and politics, I attended the Imasu by kellynishimoto runway show during Mercedes Benz Fashion Week here in LA, and damn if that girl isn’t beyond talented. Why Heidi Klum, Tim Gunn and Nina Garcia aren’t stalking her I have no idea. Kell is not only an old friend I was once her publicist. She is now represented by the far superior Heather Witbeck at aLine media. Of course Marani sponsored Kelly’s after party at STK on La Cienega.

Coming up - Kim Goodnight’s Birthday party at Les Duex tonight, excited to see Paul Palacios from Monster Energy and John Arakaki from Fubar. Both will be there and am hoping to run into Mimi Dakar from Sonya Dakar in Beverly Hills. I haven’t seen her since the private Fergie performance at Avalon.

I am also heading to the amazing shows at the Roxy, featuring Velvet Angels

(velvetangels.com) the brilliant new luxury shoe brand who are hosting the Camp Freddy concerts in Los Angeles. Camp Freddy is a group of established, well-known musicians who play rock and roll covers at various shows around America. The performances will be every Thursday in May at the Roxy. Guest performers this time around include Mark McGrath, Alice Cooper, Billy Idol, Perry Farrell, and many other special guests.

Couple quick plugs for my peeps, Emiliano Valenzuela at MetroSource Magazine. Too fab a guy and my pal was promoted to Marketing Director over at that admired publication. Jennifer Emrick, the brilliant freelance editor working on my novel Vodka Seven who with her Fine Arts MFA from USC is kicking ass on my work! (If you can afford her, than hit her up at moonsneaky@hotmail.com). And the brilliant musician Hodges. The husband of my old pal Kasey. Check him and his show dates out at www.myspace.com/hodges.

Saving the politics for the “Spencer in the City of Angels” quote…

“Dorothy Parker and Hillary Clinton are brilliant women. Not because they changed they world, (which they have) but because they created a dialogue about it.”

DISCLOSURE: In the spirit of full disclosure, Mr. Seymour is a 2007 WEHO Award recipient. He has written a pilot for television is shopping his completed novel, VODKA SEVEN.

Don’t have my opinion? Brilliant we can discuss…

Don’t have an opinion? Unlike the shirt off his or her back…someone will give you theirs….

Looking forward to getting your invitations and hearing from you…. Spencer.glitteratimagazine@yahoo.com

Rachel Bilson, Mischa Barton - Why are you there? What are you wearing? Go home. Ok, I don’t know why she was there, but Hillary Duff rocked it out! She actually looks great and age appropriate. And I can’t believe I just wrote that. Kimora Lee Simmons - Should not even be allowed in the limo unloading zone, let alone attending the gala. If a JC Penny clothing line and marrying rich is all you need to be invited, where is Kathie Lee? Donatella and Allegra Versace - ATROCIOUS! We applaud you Allegra for helping with our allergies and keeping your food down, however, the pity card does not excuse that fit on you. Ever. Venus Williams - Hid-ay-us! Game, set, take a match and burn your stylist multiple times. Kristen Davis - Oh Charlotte. It’s pretty bad when Miranda looks hotter than you. Liv Tyler - try a little harder next time. And by harder we mean look in the mirror before you leave home. Amanda Peet - Oh my God. I’m almost crying for you. Jennifer Connelly - You were in LABYRINTH for god sakes. YOU WORKED WITH BOWIE. The only thing that reminds us of the babe are those fantastic shoes. Scarlett - I hate you anyway, but seriously? You can do better than that. You have curves and a beautiful face - why must you toy with me? Stella, Stella, Stella - Your only saving grace is that you have that “I’m a crazy designer”-thing going for you. That and we hate your ex-stepmother. Naomi Watts - Awesome. Your outfit makes us want to go down under. God, that was bad. That was really bad. Christina Ricci - You win Wednesday, you win. You took the Superhero theme and flew with it. A beautiful Givenchy gown that resembled a Wonder Woman corset, stunning sheer draping, simple yet classic hair, and sophisticated make-up.

If you haven’t been to the Guggenheim in New York, it’s not too late. Cai Guo-Qiang ’s enormous mid-career retrospective installation “I Want to Believe” is his exploration between social constructs and deconstruction. Cai Guo-Qiang, a powerful international artist who investigates the compounds and boundaries of cultural, historical idealism through the act of decomposition. He illustrates social romanticism through pyrotechnic sciences induced with mythological ancient artistry, reconstructing aesthetic values with gun powder and dynamite in his drawings and video projects. Maintaining an ancient study and theory, his installations are atmospheric perspectives that catch the viewer in a threatening state of awe- he leads the viewer into an actual metaphysical journey of the poetic transformation that takes place in the midst of the race to capture historical deconstruction, or as he calls it an “inopportune” stage. His most recent installations from around the world are displayed beautifully in the Frank Lloyd Wright rotunda– allowing the viewer to travel through waves of life size wolves crashing, dangling explosive cars, and yes, an opportunity to take a yak skin boat ride.

By: Nicole Dungao

A bird that moonwalks? We’re in.